Chocolate With Nuts
by Sovereign64
Summary: Rukia and Inoue try to make money and have a fancy living by selling chocolate. Will they succeed? Paordy of a Spongebob Squarepants episode. ONESHOT


_**Chocolate with Nuts**_

A girl was humming happily while sitting in an empty room. The girl was a short girl with black hair, a single strand dangling in front of her face and wears a white school uniform with a red ribbon and a grey skirt. Her name was Rukia Kuchiki.

A few minutes later, a postman named Zommari Leroux came over to Rukia's mailbox and opens it. "GOOD MORNING MR. MAILMAN!" Rukia shouted happily as she pops her head out of the mailbox. Zommari screams as Rukia just scared the daylights out of him and Zommari runs off in the speed of light, dropping some letters from his mailbag in the process. Rukia then comes out of the mail box and waved goodbye to Zommari, "Okay, bye."

After Rukia got out of the mailbox, another girl walked up to Rukia. The girl was a 15 year old girl with long orange hair and also wears a white school uniform with a red ribbon and a grey skirt. Her name was Orihime Inoue, Rukia's friend.

"Hi Kuchiki-kun." Inoue greeted.

"Hi Inoue." Rukia said.

"So Kuchiki-kun, what do you get?"

"Let's see." Rukia said as she picks up the letters Zommari dropped. She then said as she tosses some letters away, "Kon, Kon, Kon, Kon, Kon, Kon, Kon…" Then she smiles as she found a magazine. "Hey! A magazine!" Then she looks puzzled when she looks at the cover page of the magazine. "That's funny, I never remember subscribing the Fancy Living Digest magazine."

Rukia then opens up the magazine and she and Inoue look at the pictures in awe. "Wow." They both said in amazement.

Rukia looks at a picture of a huge mansion with two swimming pools. "This guy is so rich, he has a swimming pool on a swimming pool." Rukia said.

"This guy's got shoes." Inoue said as she looks at a picture of a man wearing a tuxedo and nice black shoes.

"Give me that!" A man said as he rudely snatches the magazine from Rukia and Inoue. The man has long black hair and wears a white coat and black shinigami robes. His name was Byakuya Kuchiki. He then continued, "Stealing my mail eh? Good thing I'm not gonna report you two to the authorities."

"Byakuya, how do these people in that magazine get so much money?" Rukia asked.

"They are entrepreneurs, they sell things to people." Byakuya deadpanned.

"What things?"

"How would I know? They just sell things people wanna buy." Then Byakuya walks away from the girls. "Don't mess up with my mail again."

"That's it Inoue! Let's become entrepreneurs!" Rukia said as she turns to Inoue.

"Is that gonna hurt?" Inoue asked.

"Wait Inoue! If you can buy anything in the world right now, what would it be?"

This made Inoue nervous as Inoue said, "Um…More time for thinking!"

"No, Inoue! Something that people will definitely buy!" Rukia said as she turns away to think.

"A chocolate bar?" Inoue said as she comes out from Rukia from behind.

"That's a great idea, Inoue!" Rukia said as she wraps an arm around Inoue. "We can sell chocolate bars!"

* * *

Later, both Rukia and Inoue walked out from a supermarket while carrying tons of chocolate bars on their hands. "Fancy living, here we come!" Rukia said.

"Make way for some enter-par-twy-no-wees!" Inoue added.

Later, Rukia and Inoue arrived at a doorway of a house. "Okay, Inoue, stand back while I try this house." Rukia said to Inoue. Then she presses the doorbell and soon, a man named Kenpachi Zaraki opens up a door and sees the two girls.

"Hi sir, we're selling chocolate bars, wanna buy?" Rukia asked politely.

"Chocolate?" Kenpachi asked. Then he frowns as he asked again, "Did you say…chocolate?"

"Yes sir, with and without nuts." Inoue said as she holds up a chocolate bar with nuts and a chocolate bar without nuts.

"Chocolate? CHOCOLATE!?" Kenpachi yelled as veins formed in his eyes. Kenpachi now goes psycho freaky. "CHOCOLATE!! CHOCOLATE!!" Rukia and Inoue backs away scared and runs off quickly with Kenpachi following them in pursuit. "CHOCOLATE!! CHOCOLATE!!" Kenpachi continued screaming.

* * *

Later, Inoue and Rukia arrived at another house and Rukia presses the doorbell. "Okay, our first one didn't went well. But we'll do better on this one." Rukia said to Inoue. Then a man named Gin Ichimaru opens up the door and sees the girls. "Hi, sir. We're selling chocolate bars. Wanna buy?" She asked Gin.

"Chocolate bars, eh?" Gin asked with a smirk.

"Yes, sir. We're chocolate bar sellers."

"Ha, now like a bunch of airheads if you asked me." Gin said as his smirk dropped. "That's not how you carry your merchandise." Rukia then turns around and sees many chocolate bars stuffed in Inoue's skirt. "No no no, look. You girls want to be good saleswomen, right?"

"Oh certainly." Rukia and Inoue said with wide puppy eyes.

"Well, then a chocolate bar saleswoman would be caught dead without on of these." Gin said as he holds up an orange pouch.

"Wow…what is it?" Rukia asked.

"It's a candy bar bag, you knucklehead." Gin said. Then both Rukia and Inoue smile stupidly as Gin holds up the bag. "Especially designed to hold up any kind of delicious chocolate bar." Rukia was about to touch it until Gin puts down the bag. "Nah forget it, girls. Why am I wasting my time? I bet you girls don't want it anyways." Gin said as he walks away.

"We need them! We need them!" Rukia and Inoue protested. Gin smiled evilly at this.

Later, Gin waved goodbye to Inoue and Rukia while holding some dollar notes. "Happy selling, girls!" Then he laughed as he walks away, "Ha ha ha, suckers." As Rukia and Inoue runs away from the house while carrying tons of chocolate bar bags, both Rukia and Inoue sang.

Rukia and Inoue: _**Fancy Living**_

_**Here we come**_

_**La La La La La**_

Rukia and Inoue then walked over to the house next to Gin's house and Rukia said, "Let's try this house." Rukia then presses the doorbell and Gin opens up the door.

"Hi girls, what can I do for you?" Gin asked.

"Huh?" Rukia said as she cocked a brow. "Hey, weren't you the same guy that gives us those candy bar bags."

"Um, I don't recall." Gin said with fake confusion. "But I can see you girls are holding up lots of bags over there." Gin smirked as he holds up two big red bags. "How about try one of my candy bar bag carrying bags?"

"We'll take twenty." Inoue said as she and Rukia smiled happily at the bags.

* * *

Later, both Rukia and Inoue walked up to another house and Rukia presses the doorbell. A woman named Yoruichi Shihouin then opens up the door. "Hi girls, what can I do for you?" Yoruichi asked.

"Hi, we're selling chocolate bars. Wanna buy?" Rukia asked.

"That's sound heavenly!" Yoruichi said. "I'll take one."

"One chocolate bar, coming up!" Rukia said as she and Inoue unzip their candy bar bag carrying bags. Rukai then smiles as she took out a candy bar bag. She unzips and…to her surprise, another candy bar bag. "Huh?" Rukia said confused. She laughs nervously at Yoruichi as she unzips the candy bar bag. And to her surprise again, another candy bar bag! "Huh?!" She laughs nervously at Yoruichi again as she unzips the candy bar bag. But every time Rukia unzips a candy bar bag, another candy bar bag comes out! Yoruichi looked bored and looks at her watch as it seems that Rukia is wasting her time.

Rukia kept taking out candy bar bags every time she unzips a candy bar bag. As for Inoue, she is busy stupidly unzipping her skirt up and down.

"I don't have time for this." Yoruichi said as she walks away and closes her door. Rukia kept unzipping her candy bar bags until she finally took out a chocolate bar.

"Aha!" Rukia said in triumph. "One chocolate bar for the nice…" She got cut off when she and Inoue heard Kenpachi yelling from a distance.

"CHOCOLATE!" Kenpachi yelled.

"Lady." Rukia finished. Then she and Inoue ran off with their candy bar bag carrying bags as Kenpachi chases them in pursuit again.

* * *

Later, Rukia and Inoue are now taking a break at a fast food restaurant. "I just don't get it." Rukia said as she puts her head on the table. "What are we doing wrong? We need to come up with a new strategy, Inoue."

"Um…I know!" Inoue said. "Let's get naked!"

"No no, Inoue. Something more approachable." Rukia said as she rolled her eyes. Then she bangs her fists on the table and said, "We must be doing something wrong! What was the reason we bought those candy bar bags?"

"That guy said we were airheads." Inoue said.

"That's it! He made us feel special!" Rukia said as she perked up.

"Yeah, he did." Inoue deadpanned. Then she perked up as she yelled out, "I'm going back to buy more bags!!"

As Inoue ran off, Rukia yelled, "Inoue, wait!" Inoue then stopped in her tracks as she steps out of the doors. Rukia came over to her and said, "Why don't we try being nice?"

"Ooooh…okay." Inoue said stupidly.

* * *

Later, Rukia and Inoue walked up to another house as Rukia said to Inoue, "Remember Inoue, faltter the customer, make him or her feel good." Rukia then presses the doorbell and a woman named Rangiku Matsumoto opens the door.

"Hello?" Rangiku asked.

"I love you." Inoue said as she smiles brightly. Rangiku then quickly slams the door.

"Um, I think you went wrong a tiny bit there. Let me try." Rukia said to Inoue and Rukia knocks on the door. Rangiku then slightly opens the door scared.

"Please. Just…Go away." Rangiku said frightened.

Rukia then coughed and said casually, "Um, hi. How are you doing?"

"How am I doing?" Rangiku asked confused.

"Wanna buy some chocolate?" Rukia said as she holds up a chocolate bar.

"WE GOTTA KNOW!" Inoue said eagerly.

"Sorry, chocolate contains sugar and sugar turns as bobbly fat." Rangiku said bored. "Isn't that right, lover girl?"

Inoue giggled as she felt her stomach popping. "Hee hee, it tickles." She said.

"I gotta like spend 3 years to slim down again." Rangiku said as she holds up a photo of a 13-year-old Rangiku who looks extremely fat back then. Inoue took the photo and Rangiku said, "You can keep that for 5 bucks."

"I'll take ten." Inoue said as she holds up 50 dollars.

Later, Rukia walked sadly as Inoue is busy looking at pictures of Rangiku. "Not even one chocolate bar sold yet. I don't know if we're ever gonna succeed." Rukia said sadly.

"Huh?" Inoue asked stupidly as she still looks at the photos of Rangiku while walking.

"This time, let's focus properly on the next house!" Rukia said.

"Did you just say something?" Inoue asked stupidly as she puts down the photos.

"Remember, Inoue. Focus." Rukia said as she and Inoue walks up to another house. Rukia then knocks on the door and a boy named Toshiro Hitsugaya opens up the door.

"Yes?" Toshiro asked.

"Hi there sir, we're selling chocolate bars." Rukia said as she holds up a chocolate bar. Then she and Toshiro looks puzzled as Inoue moves over to Toshiro as her eyeballs pops out and looks closer at Toshiro's face.

Toshiro looks confused as he asked, "Why is Miss Weirdo here looking at me like that?"

Inoue kept looking closer at Toshiro's face as Inoue said, "Focusing."

Toshiro then backs away into his house and frowns, "Back off, chump!" He then slams the door shut on Inoue's eyeballs. Inoue's eyeballs then looked up and looked around Toshiro's house.

"Nice place you got here." Inoue said. Toshiro rolled his eyes.

* * *

Later, Rukia walked in disbelief as she said, "I don't understand what we're doing wrong!"

"I don't understand anything at all." Inoue said stupidly as she eats a chocolate bar.

"I don't know why people are doing okay I mean look at that!" Rukia said as she stopped and she and Inoue turns to a signboard that has an advertisement on it. She then reads the poster, "Eat Doritos, simply delicious to eat." She then frowns and said, "They are simply NOT delicious to eat!"

"Not the way I use to eat!" Inoue said grinning.

"Yet they still sell one million bags a day!"

"Maybe they wouldn't sell that much if they don't stretch the truth."

Rukia perked up as she turns to Inoue and said, "That's it, Inoue! We gotta stretch the truth!" Then they both drop their smiles as they heard Kenpachi screaming.

"CHOCOLATE!!" Rukia and Inoue then quickly ran off.

* * *

Later, Rukia and Inoue arrived at a house and Rukia presses the doorbell. "We'll do it right this time." She assured Inoue.

Then an old man named Chojiro Sasakibe then opens up the door and asked, "Yes?"

"Hello, young man." Rukia said. She then winks at Inoue and Inoue winks back. She then continued, "We're selling chocolate. Is your father home?" She and Inoue both smiled sinisterly

"DAD!!" Chojiro yelled.

"What?!" Then a very VERY old man named Shigenkuni Yamamoto-Genryusai who is stting on a wheelchair came over to the door. Rukia and Inoue both dropped their smiles when they both see him. "You can't wait for me to die, can't you?!" Shigenkuni asked angrily.

"They're selling chocolate!" Chojiro yelled.

"What?!" Shigenkuni asked.

"They're selling chocolate!"

"They're selling what?!"

"They're selling chocolate!"

"I can't hear you!!"

"THEY'RE SELLING CHOCOLATE!!"

"They're selling chocolate?"

"YEAH!!"

"Chocolate." Shigenkuni then smiled happily. "I remember the day when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate." Then he frowns as he yelled, "I ALWAYS HATED THEM!"

"Oh, but these are not for eating." Rukia said nervously as she sweats frantically. "It's for…"

"You rub it on your skin and it makes you live forever." Inoue said as she holds up a chocolate bar.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Chojiro said to the girls.

"Live forever you say?" Shigenkuni asked happily. "I'll take one!" Chojiro then slaps her forehead angrily. He then pays 5 bucks to Rukia and Rukia passed him a chocolate bar. "COME ON LAZY CHOJIRO! START RUBBING ME WITH THAT CHOCOLATE!!"

"I hate you." Chojiro said as he narrows his eyes at Rukia. He then slams the door.

"If we keep telling lies, we'll be in fancy living in no time!" Rukia smiled at Inoue.

"Hooray for lying!" Inoue cheered.

* * *

Later that day, Rukia and Inoue visit several houses and kept telling lies to the people. "It will make your hair grow." Rukia said.

"Thanks." A bold man named Ikkaku Madarame said as he holds up some money. "My wife is trying to grow a beard."

"It will make you smarter than Einstein." Rukia said.

"I'll take twenty!" A stupid man named Mayuri Kurotsuchi said as he holds up lots and lots of money.

"It will stop your face from getting any uglier." Inoue said.

"Just in time." A woman who somewhat looks exactly like Inoue said as she holds up some money.

"Then you will fall in love." Rukia lied.

"It will make you fly." Inoue lied.

"It will make world peace."

"You will walk through walls."

"YOU WILL RULE THE WORLD!!"

* * *

Later, Rukia and Inoue, who are now wrapped up in bandages walked over to a house and Rukia presses the doorbell. Both Rukia and Inoue then giggled gleefully. "Haha, this will be the best lie yet!" Inoue said.

"Yeah, when that guy sees how unfortunate we are, he will have to buy all our chocolate!" Rukia laughed.

"Hello, girls, how can I help you?" The man asked as he slightly opens the door.

"Hi, wanna buy some chocolate from us? We need an operation."

"Small world, what's your problem." The man asked as he comes out from the house, revealing to the girls that he is entirely wrapped up in bandages with an eyepatch on his left eye, an oxygen mask on his mouth, a wheel supporting his broken right leg and a pole supporting his body.

Rukia and Inoue dropped their jaws and Rukia said, "Um…total brain concussion and excessive internal bleeding."

The man sighed and said, "Some guys got all the luck. I was born with paper skin. Every day I broke my legs and every afternoon I broke arms." Rukia and Inoue now looked sadly with puppy dog eyes as the man continued, "At night, I wait until my heart attacks put me to sleep." Then he yelps when the wheel breaks and the pole snaps, "Oh no." Then every time when the man fell down on a step, he felt his bones crashing. "Ow…ow…ow." Then he stop falling and moaned, "Ooooow…"

"Quick, Inoue, let's help him." Rukia said. Then Rukia and Inoue lifted up the man and brought him back into his house. "Okay, gently put him down." Inoue then lets go of the man and the man's head hits hard on the floor.

"Ow." The man groaned.

"Aw, you poor poor man. Is there anything…anything we can do to help?" Rukia asked as she and Inoue looked down at the man.

"Well, there is one thing. As you can see, my medical bill is coming up. But you girls can help me by selling…chocolate bars." The man said as Rukia and Inoue turned around and looked at two large boxes of chocolate bars.

* * *

Later, after Rukia and Inoue left the house with the boxes, the man looked at them from the window. "Such nice girls." Then the man smiled as he turns around and unzips his bandages, revealing that he's actually Gin Ichimaru. "It feels so great to have a couple of dumb ass airheads in this town like those two." Gin then laughed evilly as he looks at the money Rukia and Inoue given him.

Rukia sighed as she walked, "Don't get me wrong, Inoue. Sure, we were good helping that man, but there's no one left in town that we can sell chocolate bars too." Then she yelped as she fell to the ground with the box on her face. "Let's face it, Inoue. We're failures."

"I'll help you with that." Inoue said. Then she puts her box on top of Rukia's box and she jumps up and sits on it.

"Let's change our names to why and bother." Rukia said sadly.

Just then, Kenpachi comes out from behind the two girls and yelled so loud that Inoue fall off and Rukia got up and their boxes spill onto the floor. "CHOCOLATE!!"

"No, no, please! Don't hurt us, please!!" Inoue and Rukia begged as they both hugged each other and trembles frantically.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Kenpachi laughed maniacally. Then he frowns at the girls and yelled, "FINALLY! I've been trying to get you girls all day. Now that I got you two right where I want you…" Then he calms down and turns back to normal as he holds up lots and lots of money. "I'll like to buy all of your chocolate."

Inoue and Rukia both drop their jaws as many chocolate bars come out from Inoue's skirt. Then Rukia and Inoue both melt to the ground and Rukia said, "Thank you for your cooperation."

* * *

Later, Inoue is now moving a cart that is filled with all the money Kenpachi given her and Rukia. She then said, "So, are we living in a fancy life now, Rukia?"

"Not yet, Inoue." Rukia said as she pops out from the cart. "First, we gotta spend all the money."

"But what are we gonna spend it on?" Inoue asked. Rukia then thinks.

* * *

Later that night at a 5 star restaurant, Byakuya, who is now wearing a hat and a nice tuxedo, walks up to the entrance and said to a man named Don Kanonji, "Good evening, sir. Table for one please."

"Sorry, but the whole restaurant has been reserved for a private party." Don said.

"What? But it's my only night to be fancy! Who could have enough money to afford the whole restaurant?" Byakuya asked.

"A couple of rich entrepreneurs." Don said. "And their dates."

Meanwhile at a table, Rukia and Inoue, who are both dressed in nice red dresses are sitting with Chojiro and Shigenkuni. "So, how long have you two known each other?" Rukia asked.

"What? What did she say?" Shigenkuni asked.

**THE END**


End file.
